


The Spooky Forest of Death

by onomatopia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural, Friendship, Gen, Naruto just wants a break, Sasuke "human disaster" Uchiha, a very small hint of implied sasusaku if you squint hard enough, buzzfeed unsolved au, lots of snark and memes involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 17:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21183050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onomatopia/pseuds/onomatopia
Summary: Sasuke, Naruto, and their shared single brain cell embark on a journey to capture ghosts and demons.[aka the Naruto Buzzfeed Unsolved AU no asked for]





	The Spooky Forest of Death

**Author's Note:**

> Italics is Naruto’s narration 
> 
> the dialogue not capitalized and without quotation marks is Naruto and Sasuke’s commentary (Sasuke is left and Naruto is right, just like the buzzfeed unsolved format with the blue and yellow back and forth between Shane and Ryan)
> 
> and there’s a lot of swearing so beware if you’re underage and/or uncomfortable with that. :)

“Today, we are driving to Konoha where the infamous Forest of Death is located in our ongoing investigation to answer the question, “Are ghosts real?” Naruto narrates as he drives. Sasuke, seated at the front seat, only shakes his head at the camera.

“The Forest of Death, known as one of the scariest places in Konoha, is said to have been haunted not only by ghosts but a demon as well. It has some pretty horrifying history,” Naruto continues. “That being said, let’s get into it.”

_In the late 1800s, when war was rampant _ _throughout Konoha _ _and its neighboring villages,  
t__he Forest of Death _ _was first referred to as the_ _Forty-Fourth Training Ground. _

_During this time, there was a shortage of _ _soldiers in the war _ _that’s been going on for decades.  
__T__he population of the town has also _ _been waning. _ _Due to this problem, the government had resorted to lower the age  
__limit of children required to join the army from 16 years old to 12 years old. _

can’t even imagine the thought process of the leaders   
of this village during this time 

surely there must’ve been a meeting held   
to strategize against the enemies where their village leader  
was like “hmmm how do we win this war" 

and someone from the table would suggest “hey, what if we just cease fire and  
talk it out with our neighboring villages”

then some other douchebag chimes in and be like “what a preposterous idea.  
absolute bonkers! what if, get this, we just hire children?”

and then everyone would be like “wow, that’s some  
galaxy brain shit, Gary. standing fucking ovation”

like “our population is decreasing a tremendous amount every year  
and grown up soldiers can barely win this war but yeah  
let’s just hire kids! that makes sense!!!”

(wheeze) can you imagine being a 12 year old kid during   
those times tho

when i was 12 i was just busy being emo   
listening to green day and nirvana and just being a   
drama queen

(laughs) i can’t even read when i was twelve

_ It wasn’t until decades later that the Forty-Fourth Training Ground will be known as The Forest of Death.  
__The Forty-Fourth Training Ground, as the name itself says, has been established as the place where  
__the c__hildren would train and hone their skills as soldiers. _

_ Battles will be held in the forest where children will be pitted against each other and fight to the death._  
_T_ _he experts say that there had been a hundred or so casualties that resulted in this program conducted by the officials of Konoha.  
_ _I_ _n the early 1900s, 70 or more bodies of children were discovered to be buried and scattered around the forest._  


that’s some hunger games shit right there.  
we should just overthrow the government,  
they have a lot shady business going on  
that’s all im gonna say

you can’t just spew out statements like that  
we could get sued or fired 

as the famous saying goes by,  
‘let’s do it baby, i know the law’

no you don’t shut up

“Okay, so here we are,” Naruto says as he climbs out of the car and adjusts his body camera. “The infamous Forest of Death.”

“Wow. You look like an idiot.” Sasuke says while pointing his camera at Naruto who is wearing a traffic vest and a pair of shades. Naruto only raises his middle finger at him. “You ready to find some ghouls now?”

“Not quite,” Naruto replies while heading off to the trunk of the car where he pulled out a Nerf gun. “I brought some holy water in the event that we get possessed or something.” 

“This is ridiculous.”

“You say that now, but don’t come running to me and my holy water when a demon or the ghosts attack us.”

“I promise you, I won’t.”

“Alright, I’m all set.” Naruto adjusts his shades as he strikes a pose at the camera with his nerf gun like he’s starring in an action movie and says, “Avada kedavra, motherfuckers.” 

Sasuke just looks at the camera like he’s in The Office.  


_ According to the locals who pass by the area, they can feel and sense the ghosts of these children roaming around the forest.  
__Some people who went to investigate even heard screaming, laughing, and footsteps. _ _ I__t was then that the Forest of Death  
__has been given its name and earned its reputation as one of the most active ghost hot spots._

“I’m tired. Fuck,” Sasuke says as they walk along the forest.

“We literally just drove all the way in and only walked for two minutes.”

“Ngk.” 

“This is why you should go to the gym and stick to a proper diet.”

“Going to the gym? Having a proper diet? In this economy? That’s functional people behavior only, Naruto.”

Naruto only cackles in response and steps closer to Sasuke when a small tree branch suddenly falls.

Sasuke adjusts the flashlight on his head, “Are you nervous?”

“This is described as one of the scariest places in the world. It has a demon and ghosts here. And possibly foxes and other large animals. This is literally what my nightmares are made of. Are you not scared?”

“I don’t feel anything,” Sasuke shrugs. “Though to be fair, I feel nothing most of the time so.” He then stares at the camera with a serious face and sports a peace sign, “Hashtag Depression Hours.”

“Shut up. Did you hear that?” 

“Hear what?”

“I heard footsteps and rustling of leaves.”

Sasuke strokes his chin and pretends to look contemplative, “Hmmm. Footsteps and leaves rustling in a huge ass forest. Really weird. Must be ghosts and not animals or the wind. I’m getting the chills already.” 

“Fuck you.”   


_ One of the ghosts often seen in the forest is that of a child named Gaara._  
_He was a kid from the neighboring village of Sunakagure sent to participate in the Forest of Death.  
_ _He has red hair and a tattoo on his forehead. It is said that his cries can be heard around the forest at night. _

Naruto pants as they stop walking and the camera pans around the forest. “So we’re pretty much in the heart of the forest now, where the locals say the ghosts of the children who died here can be found.”

“These are some stone benches with the names of the children who died in this forest,” Sasuke says as he pans the camera along the rows of stone benches. Some wilted flowers and muddy toys were seen on top of it.

“Ghosts, if any of you are here, feel free to talk to us. I’m Naruto Uzumaki and this tall lanky person right here is Sasuke. We are here to talk to you.”

“If anybody’s here, turn off this flashlight I’m laying on the ground right now.” Sasuke says. He then pulls out a butter knife from his pocket and lays it down next to the flashlight, “You can also play with this knife if you want.”

“Dude, why do you have a knife with you?”

“You said we bring some toys for these ‘ghosts’ to play with.”

“So you brought a knife.”

“I mean, these kids are from the 1800s. I’m pretty sure they won’t appreciate a tamagotchi or a PSP. I don’t know what kids are into these days.”

“You had one job, Sasuke.”

_ *some distinct whisper* _

“I heard something.” Naruto suddenly pipes up and wildly scans the area.

“Probably just some wind.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard a whisper a while ago and your wind excuse is getting old. You do know that our job here is to find ghosts, right?”

“Listen, I’m all about finding ghouls. Just as long as the evidence is believable and concrete. I even had the memes ready and Sakura already had her congratulations banner in order.”

Naruto only chuckles and arranges his camera, “Whoever's in here, we’re gonna give you a minute of silence now.”

_ *insert ominous music while Sasuke and Naruto just stares into the distance. _

_ Naruto looks kind of rattled while Sasuke just zones out in the background* _

“Alright, your minute’s up. I’m gonna have to use our EMF, a medium where you could communicate with us,” Naruto says. 

“I lose ten years of my life everytime I hear that thing.”

_ *very loud static noise* _

“Once again, I’m Uzumaki Naruto.”

“I’m Sasuke.”

“Is anybody here? Gaara, are you here? You can talk to us, tell us how you died or why you’re still here in this place.”

“You can do whatever you want with us. Smack us in the face, whack us with a tree branch, whatever.”

_ *uninteligible noise over the static* _

_ *noise static “-MY PROPERTY” “HERE” noise static* _

“Gaara, is that you? Did you just say ‘My property?” Naruto asks, wide-eyed.

“Can’t believe we’re talking to the ghost of a 12-year-old capitalist child,” Sasuke mutters in the background.

_ *static noise continues for the next few minutes* _

“This is a tough season for y’all Boozumakis out there.”

“Shut up. Alright, I’m gonna turn this thing off. We’re moving to the deeper part of the forest,” Naruto announces. “So long, ghosts. I wish you all the best and please don’t follow me home, thank you.”

“Yes, please don’t follow him on his apartment located on 34 B West-”

“You asshole.”

_ Also residing in this forest is a demon. This demon apparently has a snake like appearance; a pale skin, silky straight hair,_  
_slits for eyes, and very elongated tongue protruding out of his mouth. It has a thick purple rope tied around their clothes and  
they wear masks that vary from time to time, ranging from a woman’s face, to a man’s face, and to a child’s face. _

_ This demon, believed to be responsible for mishaps, inconveniences and misfortune around the village   
_ _ is called Orochimaru, better known as the Demonic Snake Man._  


(wheeze) the demonic- what?

(laughs) the demonic snake-man 

that’s a funny name. for someone feared by everyone in this town,   
this demon sounds like a total clown. he probably just causes simple ruckus around the town  
like gluing coins on the sidewalk or messing with the traffic lights

(laughs) wait until you hear all of this demon’s backstory  
this demon is pretty horrible

_ According to the locals, this demon eats children and changes into their appearance._  
_Given that only less than a hundred bodies of the children who died in the war were excavated, some say it is possible that the_  
_demon has eaten these children who remain undiscovered. It is said that this demon leaves a mark on their victims’ necks  
_ _and thus proceeds to claim their bodies to be his own._  


this demon is a problematic bitch

i mean. he literally eats children, sasuke

probably why God cancelled him and like  
blocked him from heaven

(wheeze)

“Where now in the heart of the forest, where sightings of the Snake Man had been reported. This is also a famous site for occultists to do their thing. As you can there many used candles scattered around the ground and Jesus Christ-” Naruto suddenly pales and stops in his tracks and focuses the camera to the ground where there was a faint drawing of pentagram in red ink or blood.

“Ooh. Very cool. The place has a ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ vibe to it. Love the aesthetic,” Sasuke comments.

Naruto just sighs.

Sasuke then walks around the area and shouts, “Hey demon, wish you didn’t eat children. We could’ve been pals. We could’ve run around Konoha together causing mischief and inconvenience to people.”

"Why would they want to be friends with you?”

“Hey, I’m a great friend. I’d even let them sing Eminem’s part in Love The Way You Lie in Karaoke.”

Naruto gasps and casts Sasuke an offended look, “How dare you? You don’t even let me do that.”

“That’s because I don’t want you to disrespect Eminem.”

_ The former town leader of Konoha during this time, Hiruzen Sarutobi, reportedly encountered this  
__demon __and actually fought the demon one on one. Written in his diary were the description of the demon  
__that matches that of the townspeople’s description of the demon as well. According to him, t__he demon initially wore a body of a little girl who   
l__ured him in the forest then proceeded to reveal its true face when they were alone. He accounted in his diary that this demon  
__was to blame for the operation gone wrong that resulted in the deaths of _ _ many children in Konoha who were forced to participate in the war. _  


(wheeze) im sorry, but what???  
so this dude says he not actually saw the demon but fought him as well??  
fuck off, naruto

(wheeze) hey, im just laying down my research here.  
im not saying it actually happened!

also i’m not gonna believe the words of an old man who sends children to war  
and the fact that he blames Mr. Snake Man (snickers) for all his bad decisions  
that’s very cringe of you, Mr. Sarutobi

i suppose that’s true  
had they not just forced these children to go to war  
none of them would’ve died or get eaten by the Snake Man 

(cackles) i’m sorry but it’s really a funny name  
it really tickles me

what? Snake-Man?

(wheezing)

_ Hiruzen Sarutobi’s descendant, Konohamaru Sarutobi who is also a paranormal investigator today _ _ said and I quote,  
__“According to the stories passed down to us, my great-great grandfather just _ _ walked into the forest by himself,  
__expecting to fight the demon who is the talk of the town by that time. But then when the demon actually showed up, __he was paralyzed with shock   
__before they fought and passed out. _ _ Since then, it became a family tradition to hunt down this demon.   
Unlike my ancestors, I __have studied a lot of paranormal related things so I’m very prepared to face this demon.  
__Hopefully, I’ll be the first of my generation to achieve success,” end quote._  


i love this guy. he literally said if i were my ancestors,  
i would simply not fail capturing a demon.  
rip to my grandpa but im different

(laughs) he was all like i respect my ancestors who died  
finding this demon but it ain’t me 

can u imagine his granddad Sarutobi walking into the forest   
and ready to fight the said demon and when Mr. Snake-Man actually shows up  
grandpa Sarutobi was all like *surprised pikachu face*

(laughing)

The camera cuts to a tall and old looking tree with a very large trunk as the boys come near it.

“So this is the tree where the Snake Man resides,” Naruto says shakily while pointing his camera at the tree. 

“It certainly has a very ominous feel to it.”

“They say that if you knock three times to this tree, the demon will show himself. However, Father Iruka told us to be very respectful and not do something reckless so as not to bring harm upon ourselves- Sasuke! What the fuck-” Naruto exclaims.

The camera cuts to Sasuke knocking repeatedly on the tree and yelling at it.

“Demon! Come out and fight me you coward!”

“Mr. Snake-Man, I am not in any way associated with this crazy man-” 

“If you are here! Show yourself! My friend Naruto Uzumaki and I will gladly fight you! Eating children is bad!”

The flashlight Sasuke left on the ground suddenly turns on and off and the leaves from the tree starts to rustle. Naruto immediately jumps toward Sasuke. 

_*cue ominous background music*_

“Holy shit, dude! Shut the fuck up!” Naruto exclaims, sounding very scared.

Sasuke only laughs at his distress. “Is that the only thing you can do, demon? Playing with my flashlight and preying on children who are weaker than you? Coward!”

“Sasuke, I am begging you to shut the fuck up! Sakura-chan would kill me if you get possessed!”

“Come out, demon! Scratch me! Bite me, but like not in kinky way. Possess me!” 

Naruto looks like he’s about to cry and turns to the camera while Sasuke is busy shouting at the tree. “If we die tonight, I’m gonna be very pissed. I mean, I have plans you know. I have succulents in my apartment depending on me for survival. And-"

“Mr. Snake-Man won’t show himself to me. It’s your turn now,” Sasuke says calmly.

Naruto turns to him, looking bewildered, “What?”

“Knock on the tree. Maybe he’ll show himself to you.”

Naruto exhales as he nears the tree, “According to this lifestyle blog, the best way to overcome your fear is to pretend you’re not afraid. Fake it ‘til you make it. Mr. Snake Man, I am not scared of you, not one bit. I have holy water with me so don’t try me!” he says shakily and pats his holster where the Nerf gun is tucked in. 

Sasuke chuckles in the background, “He looks really pale.” He then raises his hand that’s holding a paper bag. “I already had his panic bag ready.”

“Okay Snake-Man, if you are here, please show yourself. Tell us why you’re here and if the rumors about you are real,” Naruto says. “I’m not scared of you at all, not scared,” he then laughs awkwardly.

Naruto turns on his EMF and the static noises can be heard all over the place. “Snake-Man, we’re here to communicate with you. Say something.” Naruto adjusts his hold on the device and looks around the place cautiously. “It’s getting colder here and I feel like someone’s watching me from behind that tree and I just want to throw up.”

_ *static noise* _

_ *static noise UNINTELLIGIBLE WORDS static noise* _

Naruto turns to Sasuke, eyes widening. “What’s that?”

Sasuke shrugs, “I believe he said, adhslhsdk.”

“You suck. Snake-Man or Orochimaru, once again, if you’re here, talk to us.”

_ *static noise continues*_

_*static noise UNINTELLIGIBLE WORDS*_

"What's that?"

*_static noise*_

_*they stay silent for a few minutes*_

_*some footsteps can be heard in the background*_

“Alright,” Naruto says and turns off his device, “I think I just saw a wild animal behind that bush and it’s getting really dark and I’m really scared so let’s get out of here.”

“Are you gonna use your panic bag?” Sasuke asks as they walk back to their car.

“Nah.”

_ After this experience, I can confidently say that The Forest of Death indeed lives up to its name and reputation _ _ as one of the scariest places to visit  
__but whether or not the Forest of Death is actually haunted by ghosts and the so-called Demonic Snake Man will remain unsolved._

“So what did you think about our excursion today?” Naruto asks as they were driving away.

“It was interesting. Watching you almost pee your pants every episode is my only reward after talking and yelling at the air every damn time,” Sasuke replies.

“Also, Father Iruka warned us not to do anything reckless. What if you’d been possessed by the demon?”

“Eh. It’s fine, I guess.”

“It’s fine?!”

“Yeah, I’d probably just go back with you to the office disguised as Normal Sasuke but secretly wreak havoc into your life and do evil things everywhere as a demon.”

“I mean, isn’t that what you do everyday?”

**Author's Note:**

> this is inspired by that Goatman's Bridge episode, by the way. this was very fun to write! my only regret with this is that sakura wasn't in this fic and i miss her already :-( anyway, happy halloween!!!


End file.
